He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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