sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
