Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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