I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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