haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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