I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
