Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
