he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Semen is not good for contacts.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
