Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
