Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
