Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
