Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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