so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
