In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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