I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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