I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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