My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
