I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
