Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
There's even glitter on my cock...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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