dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
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