I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I need to stop coming to work sober
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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