A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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