where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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