dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
