I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
