# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
