I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
