I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
