sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
