I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
