Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
