You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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