Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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