It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
