We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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