I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
