so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
