maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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