Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
