We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
