we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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