So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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