Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
