Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
