I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
