I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You smell like stripper and shame
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
