Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
