so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
