I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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