My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
