fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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