I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
