yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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