every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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