I can't watch pbs sober anymore
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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