I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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