I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
