Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
