So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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