Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
