I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
