Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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